kitarou: (Default)
Oi... and right after the last post, I create more drama for myself (and hurt ppl :()

I hope this is all worth it... argh-eth. No wonder i have a headache now.

(But I got to meet R in person~~ \o/... It's really cute how he doesn't have an accent, but his word choices are funny due to English being his 3rd language.) ...
kitarou: (Default)
Ok... So... I've been reading a lot into a certain person (T)'s absense lately.... and well, I keep on wavering between giving him a benefit of a doubt, and then thinking he really IS avoiding me.

More evidence to the avoiding me side.

I mean, I'm not really THAT hurt or devastated or anything (as when I acknowledged I felt something for him, I was on the rebound anyway... I say rebound like I ever dated anyone.)

Of course, the annoying thing is (and THIS bothers me) is it always takes someone new in my social circle for me to start seeing faults in the objects of my last obsessions... Thus making me feel like I'm some form of soon-to-be slut or something.

--

In other news, the last few days have been good. I just hope I don't inadvertantly hurt someone else. If logic were there, we'd be trying to draw the boundary lines right away. But uhm... the only good logic we've come up with is to avoid each other for a bit.

Oh, and R is still on the radar it seems...

And I hope A is ok, I haven't heard from him recently.


This year is going to be... interesting.
kitarou: (Default)
True Story. A religion teacher assigned her class an essay on what makes a good Christian. One student wrote about praying nightly, say no to abortion, banning gay marriage, and donating money. The other student wrote about talking to God and allowing people to enjoy their lives, and supporting gay marriage. The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholicism is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshiped Satan. A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.

If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness.
kitarou: (Default)
Well, as it stands, my desktop is dead... and I don't know why. (And this is now the 3rd computer I've had die this way).

help me? )

EDIT: Problem fixed. Thank you!

Cross-posted to a couple communities (and on both my personal journals), gomen nasai.
kitarou: (Default)
You know, I should be concerned... as my body is craving stuff I know I don't like, but... the craving is still there. Partly because my brain doesn't realize the difference between fantasy and reality.

(no, nothing bad.)


... and dear God, I need to get back to Ottawa soon... LOL
kitarou: (Default)
K bailed me out at the club on the 1st night at OQ Conference when a couple drunk guys tried to drag me to another bar (#2) as I was going into Bar #1

I'm glad I forgot this, because I'm sure I wouldn't have come out to him if I remembered this event.
kitarou: (Default)
"You're not hitting on me, are you?"
"Nah of course not. Besides, I have a list of 11 others that I'd hit on before you"
-- conversation that never happened... except in my mind XD

... and I'm the only one that'd be amused by this, most likely.
kitarou: (Default)
I got this email from the Carleton University Ecumenical Chaplain. I liked it, so thought I'd save it in my LJ. Technically posting emails to the web are illegal, but I doubt he'd mind much (and I really don't want to specifically ask >_>)

Thoughts on the eve of Canada Day... )
kitarou: (Default)
On my way back from the Konbini (コンビに) ... I consiodered the whole situation I've had with R and T... and... I seemed to feel better about things (less "guilty"... as I had no reason to be guilty, other than in my own mind..)

Next year is gonna be interesting, as.... assuming I start dating (quite likely *cough*) I get to deal with both the new-to-dating experience, and new-to-guys experience simultanously >_>
kitarou: (Default)
This tidbit got lost in the journal queue... it was dated January 20 XD

"I think I finally understand my reaction to the Rob incident way back in Grade 9.

I'm pretty sure I would have reacted the same way if it had been a girl trying something similar. Granted a) That'd never happen, and b) Then I'd have KNOWN something was wrong with me :P -- as in, I'd have considered myself asexual sooner, rather than after I discovered I had *gasp* bisexual friends."

There was also a letter I was gonna send to a friend (who I wanted to come out to)... I ended up coming out without that letter.


... Sadly, the post I *wanted* to be auto-saved wasn't. Now to remember what it was retype i
kitarou: (Default)
This tidbit got lost in the journal queue... it was dated January 20 XD

"I think I finally understand my reaction to the Rob incident way back in Grade 9.

I'm pretty sure I would have reacted the same way if it had been a girl trying something similar. Granted a) That'd never happen, and b) Then I'd have KNOWN something was wrong with me :P -- as in, I'd have considered myself asexual sooner, rather than after I discovered I had *gasp* bisexual friends."

There was also a letter I was gonna send to a friend (who I wanted to come out to)... I ended up coming out without that letter.


... Sadly, the post I *wanted* to be auto-saved wasn't. Now to remember what it was retype it.
kitarou: (Default)
You know, I never really admitted this, but my roommate (from last semester) actually is kinda attractive o.O

Pity we never really got along, LOL. (More like we avoided -- or maybe just I avoided -- speaking to each other.)
kitarou: (Default)
Breaking it down... Yes, I like T (at least as far as MSN goes), but up till now I had a strong sense of loyalty towards R (and T's pushing was kinda frustrating esp. when even T said R liked me). That loyalty is still there, but.... it's faltering... and it's not solely the lack of being online.

I guess I feel like I'm the one putting any energy into keeping a fire burning. That's the problem with "not dating" people XD. I understand that R can't be online much... but R could at least take up my offer to call him, or he could email me when it's been a long time without talking... or... something. It also doesn't help that R has made implications that a) he wants to leave the country cuz he has nobody here, and b) [[troubling note that shook me that I hope was only for drama's sake]] (I'm not sure on the truth of b or not, as he only said it once and the circumstances of that conversation were... odd.).

Yeah, I like him, and I feel bad being so fickle... but... if I can't build something LD, even just a simple strong-friendship, then uh... do I want to waste my energy hanging on to this dream I had? Especially considering that after a year, I graduate University and will have to face a whole new ballgame.

Frankly, I should realize it really doesn't matter anyway. It's all online text at this point.
kitarou: (Default)
So Belinda is now a Liberal. Interesting.

I just hope she doesn't get burned in the next election. But it's not the first time high-profile MPs have switched sides, nor will it be the last... and we'll still end up with an election within a year anyway -- assuming Martin keeps his word.

--

In other news, I had not one, but two sex related dreams. Freaky. I love how my subconscious puts together pieces of reality though -- which I only realized after I woke up (ie. people sleeping in the University's International Programs office after hours... only it wasn't the same as the real office... this was probably inspired by people sleeping in the Wa-shitsu (basically a room with tatami mats) over night last night...)

Also, somehow I was having sex with an inside-out body or something... I'm not sure what that was exactly. And I couldn't tell who it was in the dream... you think this would squick me, but it didn't. And when I woke up, I knew who's voice it was. Uhm... I'd say ew, but there's really no reason to... I guess. Just odd.

That dream occured during my afternoon nap.

Last night, I (sleeping in my own bed, unlike the Wa-shitsu people) also had a dream where I was outed to one of the Koreans... ironically not my roommate, and not the one I have a slight crush on either... and yeah... disturbed feeling. Not that I really care if I'm Out, but... i'm too messed up to deal with anything involving language barriers at this point.

That's probably why I handle the Shinya situation so badly when he tries to interact with me.... it's bad enough I can't handle Japanese aisatsu (greetings/small talk).

I'm only out to 4 people because I want someone watching my back here. Granted, 2 people I told partly cuz I was less-than-sober, but telling them was a good idea... as one hits on me when she gets drunk and makes me Un. Comfortable! ... and the other one gets all the gay jokes aimed at him. -- And BTW, while he's a tease, I believe him when he says he's not gay. ... to the point that it annoys me when other people don't believe him *coughs*... and the other 2 I told due to the Shinya situation. -- 1 of whom I no longer talk to when I can help it.
kitarou: (Default)
I can't really get onto MSN now, for various reasons.

See this post for details.

Now I feel more isolated :( I can't flirt all day anymore... errr >_>
kitarou: (Default)
I should be a little more freaked, but... I guess I was tired of waiting for the shoe to drop... and my drunkeness got tired of lieing (as I was really hitting on the lies). Oh well, that's 2 more people here that I am out to. And well, if there's negative feedback, I can only trust God to pull me through...

Now to get rehydrated.
kitarou: (Default)
You know, not that I'm trying to hide specifically, but DAMN I leave some obvious hints open on my computer sometime (Firefox tab to GayStories.org ... and someone was watching me play a flash game, lol)

That was careless, lol.
kitarou: (Default)
Just a friendly request to anyone who has me on ICQ(what's that?), AIM, or Yahoo. ... I'm starting to fall in love with certain aspects of MSN7 (and anything it lacks there are cracks/mods/patches for ^^;)... So if you don't have me added to MSN (on any of my MSN accounts), please comment and I'll add you.

I like Trillian, but... it lacks features (even if I bought Pro) and has been unstable lately.

To maintain my privacy, and yours, comments are screened.
kitarou: (Default)
*blinks*

I scored
88¾%
on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!
Take the test here!


I'm curious as to what it was last time... and I fail to see how it's so low, LOL (yes, you can laugh at me for being too pure ;))
kitarou: (Default)
So... guy who hit on me showed up at Welcome party. We traded cell numbers... and I hung around a bit with him.

awkward.

I would have considered exploring things with him... but... heard some things tonight after everyone left. Ugh ugh ugh dirty. I've been had. Dirrrty.

But I felt that it was time to tell a couple people "I'm not exactly straight". No problems, yay.

I'm glad I had Guardian Angels and the Holy Spirit working tonight... cuz... I so could have done something I'd regret. And now, 2 people who I was willing to have know my secret, do.

Now how long until I wash the unclean away? >_
Page generated Jul. 25th, 2017 06:46 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios